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Learning about Grace

Becoming Repentant             At the beginning of my mission, I felt that my success came as a result of doing. While that is true in part, and action is needed to be successful, Heavenly Father cares much more about who we are becoming. Consider this quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks: “ From such teachings we conclude that the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have  done.  It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have  become.  It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become” (The Challenge to Become, Dallin H. Oaks).             As I evolved as a missionary, I began to understand these words from Elder Oaks and clung to them. I was by no me
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Healthy ties with in-laws

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My in laws just came for the 4th of July to visit us. My husband is the oldest, and his parents still have most of their children at home. This was the first time one of their children had hosted them. There were many adjustments to be had on both sides. So the readings this week helped me to be more understanding of where they are coming from, but also realize that it truly is important to have some boundaries between us because our marriage is the first priority.  One thing that stood out to me was in the first reading about how our in laws and extended family will be a part of our eternal family if we all keep our covenants.Because of this we need to create good relationships with them through love and patience. I hope to do better at this in the future.  One of my favorite quotes from the reading this week: "Adult married children can improve their relationships with their in-laws by setting boundaries that help ensure their marriage is strong and happy. Having regular
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Becoming One

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I have thought a lot about how to become one with my husband. I believe a lot of it has to do with focusing on his needs and not my own, and making sure I forgive him and do not harbor any hard feelings towards him. President Eyring sums it up well with this quote:  "If we are to have unity, there are commandments we must keep concerning how we feel. We must forgive and bear no malice toward those who offend us. The Savior set the example from the cross: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). We do not know the hearts of those who offend us. Nor do we know all the sources of our own anger and hurt. The Apostle Paul was telling us how to love in a world of imperfect people, including ourselves, when he said, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil” (1 Cor. 13:4–5). And then he gave solem
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Becoming Mary

One of the things I have thought a lot about is the importance of becoming like Mary, from Luke chapter 10. Martha has many great qualities too but as the Savior says, "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41-42) It is difficult to not get caught up in all that needs to be done and how quickly we feel we need to do it. I am grateful for the chance to study the gospel and how that simply helps me focus on slowing down to see what is most important.
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Emotional Infidelity and how to safe guard your marriage

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Something that plagues our society is the danger of emotional infidelity. It starts as a text message here and there, and then you go out to lunch. What's the harm? But after a while,serious emotional ties and bonds can form and marriages can be ruined by the emphasis one spouse places on his/her relationship with a 'friend.'  My husband and I have discussed certain boundaries that we can put up to protect ourselves from this tricky situation. Some things we have come up with include unfollowing previous boyfriends/girlfriends on social media, never going to lunch with someone of the opposite sex, not texting members of the opposite sex unless it is for business/informational purposes. These may not be right for every couple, but they are what we have determined best for us.  The following quote from the talk "Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you think" discusses this issue very well:  "Physical infidelity is only one of the many temptations
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At times we fail, but Charity never does.

This will probably be my most vulnerable post to date. Without going into specifics, the past few months have been really draining and trying for my husband and I. Our marriage is strong, and so are the problems of everyday life. I have learned recently that it is in the moments that we see each other at our worst that we can either turn against one another, or toward one another. Charity is turning toward one another. Charity is looking outside of my challenges and doing those things that mean so much to my husband, when I don't feel that I can or want to. Charity is him waking up and holding me after I've had a nightmare or can't sleep because emotions of fear and anxiety are so paralyzing. Right now, our days are long, and the weekends are too short. Incredibly taxing demands have been placed upon both of our shoulders, in completely different capacities. And when my sweet husband walks through the door at the end of the day, it feels as if we are clinging to one anothe
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Consecration and Problem Solving in Marriage

This week, I have taken a greater look at how I communicate and how that affects my marriage and my husband. I try not to use harsh startups, but I know that I am not always successful with that. I think another thing I can improve on is to allow us to take breaks and regroup. Sometimes I think that an issue has to be resolved now or else I won't be able to deal with the emotional turmoil. But according to Gottman, "If your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute you won't be able to hear what your spouse is trying to tell you no matter how hard you try. Take a twenty-minute break before continuing" ("The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p. 180). I will try that tactic next time we are trying to solve a problem and need some time to calm down.  Another thing that I really want to work on is compromise. At times, I don't think I actually understand where my spouse is coming from. I want to, but maybe I'm not putting in the effort that I need t
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