Learning about Grace

Becoming Repentant

            At the beginning of my mission, I felt that my success came as a result of doing. While that is true in part, and action is needed to be successful, Heavenly Father cares much more about who we are becoming. Consider this quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks: “From such teachings we conclude that the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become” (The Challenge to Become, Dallin H. Oaks).

            As I evolved as a missionary, I began to understand these words from Elder Oaks and clung to them. I was by no means a perfect missionary. I do not think there has ever been a perfect missionary save Jesus Christ. However, I learned that regardless of success with outward measurements (baptisms, lessons, etc.), I learned that the Lord cares more about how I treat others and serve them. As Preach My Gospel states in chapter one, “You can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when you feel the Spirit working through you.”

            I gave this background from my mission because I believe the same is true of repentance and becoming more repentant. The Lord does not keep a tally of the number of times we mess up. I do believe that He is very aware of the condition of our hearts and how willing we are to turn unto Him and repent again.

            Like all human beings, I struggle with making the same mistakes over and over. As I have progressed spiritually throughout my life and this semester in particular, I have noticed that the number of times I commit these specific sins has decreased. I feel that as I have been more aware of this goal, I am more committed to keeping it because I love my Heavenly Father. I want to become like Him. I desire, more than anything, to live with Him and with my eternal family in the Celestial Kingdom one day. I realize that in order to get there, I do not have to be perfect, but a certain amount of effort on my part is required.

            A favorite talk of mine is “His Grace is Sufficient,” by Brad Wilcox. Brother Wilcox explains that when we repent, we are not paying the demands of justice. Jesus Christ already did that. Because of His sacrifice, we will all be resurrected, and we will all be able to live forever. “What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and how long we plan to stay there” (Wilcox).

            I had never thought of repentance this way. I am not trying to ‘pay my way’ into Heaven. I am simply trying to become the best saint I can so that I can be with my Father in Heaven and my family. Plus, Brother Wilcox says that “the miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly.”

            Over the past few months, I have thought about why I am trying to better myself and improve. I’ve decided that it is because I am happiest when I am living the gospel. I feel most fulfilled when I am progressing forward, moving closer to my Heavenly Father.

            There are others who simply choose not to live the way Heavenly Father would hope. While that is sad, we all have the choice to act. Brother Wilcox says of individuals in this situation, “Heaven will not be heaven for those who have not chosen to be heavenly.”

            So many times I have thought to myself, “If only I were better, I would make it into the celestial kingdom.” But I am not meant to check every item off of a checklist to make it into heaven. I need to continue to change my heart, be quick to repent, and quick to resist sin.

            In closing, I wanted to share this experience of Brother Wilcox: “In the past I had a picture in my mind of what the final judgment would be like, and it went something like this: Jesus standing there with a clipboard and Brad standing on the other side of the room nervously looking at Jesus.

Jesus checks His clipboard and says, “Oh, shoot, Brad. You missed it by two points.”

Brad begs Jesus, “Please, check the essay question one more time! There have to be two points you can squeeze out of that essay.” That’s how I always saw it.

But the older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption, the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying, “Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.”’

            I have a testimony of repentance. I have felt that Lord’s Atonement changing me for the better as I have sincerely prayed to be changed. I want to be with Him, and like Him. I desire to dedicate my life to His work so that I can have a place with Him in the eternities. Not because I have ‘earned’ it, but because I feel comfortable in His presence. Because I have fought to change amidst the challenges of mortal life.

            I see repentance as a more joyful process now, and not a burden. It is such a gift to be able to change and progress for the better. I love my Savior, and I will try to show that better as I live my life.