We fell into Mutual Weirdness and Called it Love

Something that plagues our society is the danger of emotional infidelity. It starts as a text message here and there, and then you go out to lunch. What's the harm? But after a while,serious emotional ties and bonds can form and marriages can be ruined by the emphasis one spouse places on his/her relationship with a 'friend.'  My husband and I have discussed certain boundaries that we can put up to protect ourselves from this tricky situation. Some things we have come up with include unfollowing previous boyfriends/girlfriends on social media, never going to lunch with someone of the opposite sex, not texting members of the opposite sex unless it is for business/informational purposes. These may not be right for every couple, but they are what we have determined best for us.  The following quote from the talk "Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you think" discusses this issue very well:  "Physical infidelity is only one of the many temptations ...

This will probably be my most vulnerable post to date. Without going into specifics, the past few months have been really draining and trying for my husband and I. Our marriage is strong, and so are the problems of everyday life. I have learned recently that it is in the moments that we see each other at our worst that we can either turn against one another, or toward one another. Charity is turning toward one another. Charity is looking outside of my challenges and doing those things that mean so much to my husband, when I don't feel that I can or want to. Charity is him waking up and holding me after I've had a nightmare or can't sleep because emotions of fear and anxiety are so paralyzing. Right now, our days are long, and the weekends are too short. Incredibly taxing demands have been placed upon both of our shoulders, in completely different capacities. And when my sweet husband walks through the door at the end of the day, it feels as if we are clinging to one anothe...

This week, I have taken a greater look at how I communicate and how that affects my marriage and my husband. I try not to use harsh startups, but I know that I am not always successful with that. I think another thing I can improve on is to allow us to take breaks and regroup. Sometimes I think that an issue has to be resolved now or else I won't be able to deal with the emotional turmoil. But according to Gottman, "If your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute you won't be able to hear what your spouse is trying to tell you no matter how hard you try. Take a twenty-minute break before continuing" ("The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p. 180). I will try that tactic next time we are trying to solve a problem and need some time to calm down.  Another thing that I really want to work on is compromise. At times, I don't think I actually understand where my spouse is coming from. I want to, but maybe I'm not putting in the effort that I need t...

C.S. Lewis states: Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. It is the comparison that makes you proud. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone" (Mere Christianity, pp. 109-10).  Generally I think of how I can be prideful towards people of other racial status, financial status, etc. Rarely have I thought of how pride can affect my marriage for the worse. I suppose that is why Heavenly Father has established marriage as a solid union between husband and wife; we need to learn to truly see each other as equals and not let our motives be to please ourselves.  In my opinion, the opposite of pride is selfless love. I am being prideful if I indignantly choose to put my own needs before my husband's more often than not. Of course it is important at times to take care of ourselves, and our spouse should understand this.  Lately, however I have not put my husband's needs first many times. I have made a vi...